Bachelor/Bachelorette Party

As I said a couple posts back, I was going to tell you of my uncle's and my aunt's bachelor parties. I got to see them last year. It was the first time in many years before I got to see them. They live over in Hawaii (along with everyone else in my family) whereas  I live in Michigan. It's really expensive to go and see family and we're not the most wealthy people on the block so we don't get to go back. Luckily enough, they saved up enough money to come over here to watch me graduate.

So while they were over here, we spent a lot of time together, and told stories about our lives. The story that stood out the most to me though were their stories about their bachelor and bachelorette parties.

My uncle told me about his first. He said that his was a huge party with friends. He talked about how they ate a couple hundred burgers and hot dogs throughout the whole day, went down to the beach, surfed and swam (I mean, it's Hawaii after all), fucked around, and drank a lot. One of the most pertinent things he talked about was just the sheer volume of drink they had.

Apparently nobody fell asleep willingly. Everyone passed out. There were three people crammed into a tiny bathroom, people on the floor, people in the kitchen, but everyone for the most part was inside. The other odd thing was that even though there were THREE beds, not one of them was used. Nobody thought to use any of the beds.

Everyone had fun but when they woke up...there was something wrong. Nothing was broken so it wasn't something expensive. Everyone was alive and breathing and nobody appeared hurt, so it wasn't a medical thing. Then they decided to do a head count and one of their friends was missing. It was a real life version of the Hangover.

They're in a forested area, but it's also suburban so they were worried a number of things could've happened. They were worried he could've gotten lost in the woods, fell down and hit his head. He could've broke into a house thinking it was his. They were freaking out.

The looked around everywhere. They all spread out before even eating breakfast. Dispersing through the woods, they cruised around the neighborhood, asked neighbors. Nobody had seen him. They checked outward going farther and farther until they had to give up.

They got home and they were going to call the police when they got home. Then they noticed something that they didn't notice before. There was a big blue tarp in the backyard. One of them tripped over it and a voice came out from it. They kicked it and the guys voice came out wondering what the hell was going on.

It appeared that just like in The Hangover, the guy was closer to home than they though. Apparently, he felt that the tarp was a really warm, dry, place to sleep and so rolled up inside of it like a sleeping bag. Everyone was pissed at him, but relieved.

Then there was my aunt's bachelorette party. She seemed a bit hesitant to tell everything what happened, but she did tell me about one thing. The penis cake. Do you see how this ties into the story from the other day? I told that girl about it, she had a hankering for penis cake. Or maybe penis. Or maybe just cake. Who knows.

Anyway, apparently this cake was a work of perverse art. It wasn't just a regular sized cake, it was a sheet cake bigger than any phallus could ever be. The head of the dick was made out of Rice Krispy to give it a nice crunch. There was LOTS of frosting on the inside, especially in the middle. Seemed appropriate. The veins were constructed using twizzlers. The taint was created by dyeing very thin pasta black and put by the base.

She described the cake as being truly befitting of the phrase 'one eyed monster'. She added only one woman was brave enough to take a slice. I was appalled that they would've let that much cake be wasted. If nobody else was going to eat it, I would've definitely taken a piece, regardless of it's genitalia related features*. Maybe that's just me though. What about you all? Would you have taken a piece regardless?


*No Homo.