Hentai

I'm sure most of you who are following me know what hentai is, or at least know it by some name. While the actual word itself does not directly translate to it, the main colloquial use of the word is to describe anime porn. Some of you may indulge in it and derive pleasure from it. Others may be quite turned off or otherwise disgusted by it, but I must say, it is quite hilarious in general when looking at it from a non-sexual standpoint.

It all began when I was in high school and my friend came back from the summer having gone to Japan. Him and I were in the same Japanese class and were interested in quite a lot of the same things as well as both of us having a perverse sense of humor. He brought back a book to show me that he got from a Japanese manga store (Japanese comic store).

First, though, I must describe the book store that he told me about. On the first floor has mainstream, or at least non pornographic comics. Things that would be suitable for kids or teens to stumble upon and not have their childhoods destroyed.

Then you go up a floor. This floor has softcore hentai. About on the same level as softcore porn here, nothing strange. There may be hentai parody's of popular fictional characters or they may be original ones. It varies.

Then you go up another floor. Now it's just become hardcore hentai. Maybe there's orgy's and other things. I don't know, I've never been there. I'm just going on the vague description I was given.

Then you go up another floor (noticing the pattern here?). This room is like the room underneath it plus tentacles and a few potatoes. I really wish that was an exaggeration, but I can believe it. Japan is weird.

Now think about this. There are three more rooms above that. It gets so bad, they must put curtains over the books so that people don't...You know, if you're already up there, you probably know what you're in for, so I don't see why they would do that. Here's the best part though, the only bathroom in the store was up on the fifth floor. Good luck with that people with tiny bladders.

So anyway, he got a relatively tame one (for Japanese standards at least, like I said, they're weird) called "She looks like sweet mermaid". I'll say one thing. It had no mermaids.

Pretty much, it was a compilation of stories where a woman has a problem, finds some guy, and sex solves EVERYTHING. We actually sat down to translate one of the stories. One of them was about a girl who was starting track, but realized her boobs got bigger and so she was apparently horribly off balance and couldn't run well.

How is this problem solved? Sex. Lots of raunchy sex that ends in both of them excreting more fluids than the human body actually has inside of it. Then it cuts to the next day and because of that little bit of sex (at least so is implied), she magically regained the ability to run.

Then I found out that this is a common motif within hentai.

"Oh snagglypuss! I just found out that my final exam is tomorrow and I haven't studied at all! I should get a tutor!"

[gets tutor, doesn't study, but has sex instead. She passes with 75/32 questions correct.]

"Oh snap, my car has stalled. I guess I better flag down some help"

[waves down woman with bigger breasts than his head, they have sex on the hood, car runs like a champ]

"I sure miss mom and dad. Things are lonely since they died in that fateful caterpillar excavation accident..."

[Woman from excavation team ends up showing up, they have sex, mom and dad come back to life]

That's pretty much the bare bones of every hentai ever. It's ridiculous, but hilarious. Oh Japan, you're so weird.