Badass Animals

So recently through the use of National Geographic and friends, I found out about two exceptionally bad ass animals. One of them is the Japanese Hornet and the other one is the Honey Badger. In case you didn't want to read this wall of text, I provided two videos.

Now, you may be thinking that a Japanese Hornet can't be any worse than a regular hornet and the honey badger sounds like a pussy. Well I'm about to tell you how dead fuckin' wrong you are.

The Japanese Hornet. Now that shit isn't an ordinary hornet. I'm glad that is in Japan where it can't reach me in America cause those things are scary looking gangsta bees. Imagine your regular standard sized bee. You see one of those, you freak the fuck out and stand still and don't do anything lest you upset the fearsome creature. Now multiply that by five and you have average size of the Japanese hornet. Those things don't give four fucks about five fucks on anything and they will tear up whatever they need to to get what they need.

What I saw must give me pause, because it was so brutal. These wasps are like the spartans of the insect world. Remember those bees that you're scared of? The ones that if you sting, it'll cause a bit of discomfort and pain? Well, these hornets make bitches out of those little bees. From the footage I saw, one of these hornets flies out and finds a nest of bees. They're doing their own thing, makin' their honey, completely unaware of their own impending demise.

The Hornet then will fly off, leaving a scent trail so that it can find it again. Then it goes back to its own next and brings back his posse of about thirty and rolls back up there. Him and his thirty squad mates just go in there and fuck EVERYTHING up. 30 Hornets vs. 30,000+ bees. And win. Now just to give a good estimate of that scale, imagine one of the largest universities. The population of some of the largest has about 30,000+ students enrolling. Now imagine a large class of high school students, that's probably about 30. Now give the college kids sticks and stones and whatever the hell else you can think of. Now give the high school students the best armor, weaponry, movement systems, strength, agility, EVERYTHING, and you would get pretty much what what happened. A slaughter.

The hornets fly into that nest and kill everything. No bees are spared, all of them beheaded. Their stings are useless. The hornets don't give a fuck, roll up in there and take their babies so they can eat them later. Now that's what I call gangsta.



Then there's the honey badger. This fucker is about the size of a medium sized dog, which is pretty good in most respects and could probably fend off some potential predators on its own power. But you probably wouldn't expect it to be able to fight off something like a...lion and live would you? Again, that's where'd you'd be wrong. This asshole of the African Savannah fights the biggest animals on there just to be a dick and wins. He will neuter a lion and just walk off while the lion wails in pain and loses his land and his pride of 30 bitch lions all in one foul swoop.

The honey badger does not take shit from nobody and eats whatever the hell he wants. All he does is walk around and eat things, doesn't even care what it is. If he finds a nest of killers bees, KILLER BEES, and will invade that. They'll sting him all over and he won't even flinch. Now, you could safely assume that being his name is the HONEY badger, he'd go after the honey, but nope, again, just to be an ass clown, he won't do what you tell him. He'll eat the bees babies, gettin' stung up and will leave like nothing even happened because that's just who he is.

There is one thing that completely astonished me that brought him from just another prick to badass. One day as he's roaming, he sees a puff adder and takes the meal out of his jaws. Now, you may not know what a puff adder is, so I will educate you a bit. A puff adder is one of the most venomous snakes in the known world. He bites you, it's over, it's all over. And this asshole just took it's meal out of it's jaws. Try taking the coke of a Columbian drug lord. As he's sniffing it. See if you live. That's what this badger just did.

Then, like a true dick, he just sits there and eats the meal the puff adder worked to get. Teasing it. Then to make matters worse (though I'm not sure for who) the badger just looks at the snake and starts to look at it like desert. The puff adder is now thoroughly pissed. He wants some sweet revenge. I'll put this into pok'e'mon style battle.

[Badger uses Leer! Puff Adder's defense goes down]

[Puff Adder uses Poison Fang! It's not very effective...Badger is now poisoned!]

-Badger is hurt by poison!-

[Badger uses Leer! Puff Adder's defense goes down]

[Puff Adder uses Poison Fang! It's not very effective...  ]

-Badger is hurt by poison!-

[Badger uses Leer! Puff Adder's defense goes down]

[Puff Adder uses Poison Fang! It's not very effective...  ]

-Badger is hurt by poison!-

[Badger uses Leer! Puff Adder's defense goes down]

[Puff Adder uses Poison Fang! It's not very effective...  ]

-Badger is hurt by poison!-

[Badger uses Crunch!!! It's a critical hit! PUFF ADDER DIES!]

-Badger is hurt by poison!-

-Badger has fainted...-

Now, if you'll read carefully, the Puff Adder dies while the badger merely FAINTS. The badger gets hit a few times by one of the most venomous creatures, and merely faints. A few hours later, he wakes up and stumbles around as if he had a bad hangover and just goes on his merry way (after eating the rest of the snake of course).



If you can find a more badass animal than that I would love to hear about it cause that....that is truly astonishing.