Floating

A few weeks ago, I went with two friends to go skinny dipping. One of them, I admittedly had a crush on. The other one is, of course, her boyfriend and one of my best friends. Because stories always have to happen like that. As a bit hung up on that as I am, this post will not be about that. Instead, it will be about that night.

The girl had invited me along with her boyfriend/my friend to go out skinny dipping. It was around 1030pm and it had been a warm day. She invited me along to cool off at a secluded, secret spot she knew how to sneak to. Admittedly, I was a bit paranoid (as I am about many things) and so I packed just about everything I could need. Food, water, a swiss army knife, an extra pocket knife, two changes of clothes, extra cash outside of my wallet, hidden spare key, emergency phone all just in case this was some kind of plan to hurt me or otherwise.

Fortunately, my paranoia is never correct and when I got to the meeting spot, we quickly changed clothes and I was led to a spot to swim. We went down a street, under a bridge, through some reeds until we were at open water. Now the guy and I, we were both terrified of the conditions we found ourselves in. I'm terrified of swimming in lakes. It really bugs me for some reason. Never did as a kid, but it does now as an adult. The guy on the other hand was just scared of aquatic creatures. The girl wasn't really scared of either thing outside of normal, 'Oh no what was that unknown thing in the dark that's slimy and touched my leg!'. Regardless, we all were there and there was no backing out.

It's odd to think about such a seemingly mundane thing as something to triumph over. Having a fear that most people wouldn't even consider under normal circumstances as anything to even be concerned about is only made stranger by the fact that it's something I then have to confront in the strangest of moments. Yet, there I was, with a girl I was crushing on and one of  my best friends, as we splashed each other with the cool water on that warm night and swam around, immersed in the inky, dark lake.

Despite the oddity of being with friends, a one sided crush, and trying to relax in something that was utterly terrifying, I found a moment of peace. Laying back in the waters and staring up at the clear sky filled me with that feeling of serenity that eludes. Stars twinkling above, while my body floated weightless on the water, I was truly relaxed. The tension drained from my body and made room for the galaxy like it was about to collapse upon me.

It was such a beautiful tranquility.

...


Getting out of the water, I realized I stepped with a renewed vigor from not only the glimpse of peace that had fallen down on me, but I felt young again. Like a teenager. It had been a long while since I had to sneak and do something so juvenile. Most of my sneaking and hiding now has to do with hiding a facade, as I'm sure most people do. Putting on a mask to hide things to protect oneself from the knives of social stigma or to deceive those close to hide one's own knives being stabbed in their backs, it was nice to finally do something that was hidden just for the pure enjoyment of it.

It brought a feeling I didn't realize I had lost, but now that it's been recalled, I wish I could have it again.