What Went Wrong

Well, it looks like I did it again. I'm just a person who doesn't deserve any kind of love. I'm incapable of making someone happy. It was a mistake, I've done nothing but hurt someone I love. I've hurt her at almost every turn and even now I still have a hard time realizing when I'm doing wrong. I can't speak when it matters, I can't communicate and I've done nothing but make her feel worse. My fears have come true and I'm sure I could've prevented it. She's always told me when she feels terrible and yet I apparently just am too senseless to make any changes. I knew she'd be the one to break up with me, and I knew it'd be in about three months. That's always the case; that's how long it takes for girls to realize that I'm nothing what they want.

I'm too immature to do much of anything except for sit here and wallow in my self pity. I know I'm here in it, but I can't think of anything else to do. At least when I did it any other times, I was able to let myself believe that it was someone else that was making me do this, but now I know that it's just me. I'm just too pathetic and it hurts even worse now that I realize what I've done.

She said she's done trying. I always know what that means. I've tried, but I guess I just don't have it in me to try hard enough. She's happy with me most days, but I know that she's miserable with me otherwise. I'm just not enough for her, I'm not good enough for her. I know it hurts, it hurts right now, but I know I'm still numbing some of it. I can only imagine what it's going to be like when that numbness goes away and it all rushes in and hits me. I should've spent more time with her instead of trying to buy her affections.

Oh well, I knew it was just a matter of time anyway. I'm a vapid, one-dimensional individual. I just wish I didn't fuck up so bad. Scratch that, I just wish I wasn't such a fuck up. Even trying to be apologetic, I do nothing but make her feel bad.

I guess I should stop this before it gets too far. I should go to bed anyway, I gotta work in a few hours.

[What Went Wrong - Yelling At Cats]
[Over My Head - Sum 41]
[The Real Folk Blues - ????? (Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack)]